Rating Scale

I'll admit, not looking at the scale has been really hard for me.  The scale and I have been one-sided enemies in a dependent, almost psychologically damaging relationship for years.  I hate it.  Yet, I need it.  It tells me if I am good or if I am bad.  It wields unwitting power over me and determines my mood in the morning.  What kind of day will it be?  Like a fortune teller laying out the cards, I hold my breath as the numbers roll.  I feel like a gambler, luck be a lady, betting it all on a hot pair of dice.  And if I don't have the scale to tell me, I have to spend the whole day blindly determining whether or not I'm on the right path or the wrong path.

If that sounds intense, it's because it is for me.  And I'm thinking I'm not the only woman who has faced that scale since Jr. High and let it determine who I was, what I was worth, how I should be treated and how I should treat myself.  I wish I could say that it's no longer a chain about my ankles.  But I fear, just as Scrooge's Marley, I will be doomed to carry it around my entire adult life, always aware of it, never leaving it behind.   I remind myself that my value is in my character, my talents, my accomplishments, not my dress size.  It sounds noble, but this single girl, this chubby mac, has never been able to believe those noble words.


I attended a tele-seminar about being a positive person yesterday.  It's such a good message, such a God message.  I want to be more positive.  And I believe that part of that means not allowing the scale, and my negative self-image to define me.  I believe it, but I'm not sure how to practice it.  


Anyone else struggling with this?  How do you measure your worth?  What are steps you're taking to be a positive person?

A Fresh Start

Okay, I admit that I failed.  I just couldn't do the low-carb thing.  I couldn't stand the limited options and my body was seriously craving sugar.  After I got sick from running w/o any carbs in my system, I knew I couldn't do it.  So, never one to stay down for long, I am going to stick w/ my plan to lose 30 pounds...only I want to do it in a more gradual and realistic way.

I'm going to give myself 12 weeks instead of six.  This puts me at losing 2-3 pounds per week.  That's a lot more realistic, no?  And I'm going to aim for running 21 miles per week.  That will include two rest days so I don't injure myself again.  21 miles is easily doable for me.

Source

I'm going to lean heavily on fruits and vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains while counting calories.  All of this sounds down right sensible and less like a gimmick.  And my cuz is going to diet and excercise along with me for accountability.

I will be posting my weight every Saturday along with my picture.  Wish me luck...or better yet, pray for me.  Thanks everyone!

Day Twenty-One

I love Sundays.  I love teaching Sunday School.  I love singing the worship songs.  I love the preaching, teaching, time with friends.  Today was an unusual Sunday.  After morning service, our worship and drama team performed a play.  I was in charge of telling the youth how to wait tables.  Being a professional, I took my job seriously.  We had a lot of fun, shared a lot of laughs.  And though I tried to discreetly get out of there without eating...the food looked so delicious, multiple people insisted that I sit down and have lunch.  Somehow, I dodged the well-intentioned and insistent pleas of my friends and was able to escape out the side door.  

Source

I went for my usual 3.5 mile run, came home and ate some chicken.  Part of me wishes I had sat down and ate with everyone else....  In the grand scheme of things, that would have probably been a better decision.  But I'm too self-conscious to eat in front of people anyway.  What's up with that?!?!?

Day Twenty-One 148lbs

I bought some delicious fruit, yogurt, and whole grains for this week.  I'm hoping to incorporate them into a healthy diet  I've got big plans of turkey sandwiches, vegetable soup, and Mulit-Grain Cheerios.
I really hope to see the scale budge this week.  I'd at least like to lose the 3 pounds I've already lost and gained back over the course of these 3 weeks.  With 28 pounds left to lose, I need to see some results.

Day Twenty

Eight miles.  I determined in my mind that I could run it.  And so, this afternoon, I did.  I suppose the hardest part of running is deciding in your head that you can do it.  I've found that the body will do whatever the mind tells it to.  It's the mind that needs convinced.  And so, on Friday, my mind was already made up, and today I ran the four miles to my church and home again.  
I couldn't believe how good it felt, how strong I felt, how satisfied I was when I finally finished.  Truth be told, it took me entirely too long to do it.  I run slow, and have terrible form.  But I run.  That's the important thing.

Day Twenty 148lbs

I'm sure you've all noticed the 2 pound flux in my weight.  But we won't worry about that because we know I carb-loaded in order to prepare for my run.  

Tonight I had the most delicious rotisserie chicken for dinner.  I also had corn, a potato, and a biscuit.  More carbs.  More running tomorrow.


Mary, there's my feet again.  Not sure what the appeal is, but I'm glad you like them. :)

Day Nineteen

I'm carb-loading tonight.  The workout I'm planning for tomorrow is going to cut significantly into my reserves, so in order not to be sick, I am carb-loading tonight.  Of course, you'll have to tune back in tomorrow night in order to know what that workout is.  Everyone in suspense yet?

Source

The best part of my day was when my boss, (remember the best. boss. ever. who bought me cocoa roasted almonds?) had a massage therapist come into the office because we all had a full and stressful week.  Seated chair massage to start a busy day?  Yes, please.  There were also brownies...and lots of laughter (as always), and a general mood of satisfied happiness.  Sigh.  I love my job and my co-workers.  How many people can say that honestly?

Day Nineteen 146lbs

The worst part of my day was when I had rushed to get home, changed into my gear, told Friend that I had to hurry or....that's right, the rain.  And even though, like Clint Black, I've walked in the rain, I knew that starting my run in a downpour was simply unwise.  So, as I was racing to get it together, Friend shouted the bad news at me from her post at the window...the rain had come and ruined my plan.

But, as Scarlett O'Hara once said, "After all, tomorrow is another day."  And tomorrow will be a great day to run, do laundry, go grocery shopping....and I'm ready for a nap already.

Day Eighteen

How do I describe today?  It was very very full.  And there was so much good in it....  I guess when I was "in the furnace of affliction", it's days like this that I missed the most.  I got a lot of work done, laughed A LOT with my co-workers, had a great run, and enjoyed wonderful dinner, fellowship, and Bible study with some of my besties.  

Day Eighteen 146lbs

I found out that the route I've been running is not three miles.  I measured it today.  It's actually three and a half miles!!  Mary, that brings my total miles in the past six days up to 17.5.   Woot!  Woot! I'm so proud of me!  Even though I'm still at 146, I feel strong.  I feel healthy.  I feel good about myself.  And that's a super accomplishment.

Day Seventeen

So, as expected, my weight shifted upward a pound.  I knew that would happen after I was so sick on Monday evening and ate some less-than-diet-friendly foods on Tuesday in an effort to satisfy my stomach.  

But today, I've been back on track.  I ate a chicken salad at Bob Evans.  Very good.  Actually I couldn't finish even half of it.  With that, I had a piece of bread- I know, that's a low-carb no-no.  But I knew I was going for a run today, which I did after work, so I had to have some carbs in me or get sick again.  That makes sense, right?

So many different things going on in my life right now.  It's not exactly fair to my body to punish it this way.  On the other hand, sometimes it's easier to change everything all at once to get it out of the way.

Friend's not home, so no picture tonight.  I would love to hear about everyone's weight loss journey.  Any good stories out there?

Day Sixteen

Sorry, Friends.  I was very ill yesterday and couldn't post.  But at least now I know why I was sick.  It turns out, that I can either go on a low-carb diet or run, but I can't do both.  My body will not allow for it.  

Day Sixteen 145lbs

Because I was feeling so sick, I had to break my diet today.  I had some sprite, some broth and some yogurt.  I couldn't stomach much else.  That is, until much later in the evening.  I confess, I had a slice of pizza...and a cookie.  It's like Hank Williams says, your cheatin' heart will tell on you.

Source

So, no exercise today.  I actually was jonesin' for a run but didn't have time to do that, the dishes, go to my grandma's, and do my taxes.  PS... I hate taxes.

Day Fourteen

The end of the day and I'm exhausted.  I went for another run today and I didn't know if I could finish, but I pushed through...not sure if I'm glad or not.  I hurt so bad I can barely walk.  Not looking forward to getting up and moving in the morning.

Source

Today I had some turkey and cheese for both lunch and dinner.  It was yummy.  I ate nearly the whole package.  I'm really wishing I'd bought more so I could take it to work.

Day Fourteen 148lbs

Finishing the night with another Columbo movie.  How does Peter Falk do it?  Friend gets disappointed in herself if she can't figure out the whole thing within the first 20 minutes.  It's hard for her to believe that she herself is not Columbo.  As good as she is at it, sometimes it's hard for me to believe too.

Hoping for a scale that budges in the morning.  Though hope is not a strategy, it's all I got.

Day Thirteen

Inspired by my friend Mary (Dear Sister Diaries), I decided to go for a run today.  Honestly, I haven't run too much in the past year since I completed the Indy Mini last May.  That was as much running as my puny body could handle.  But today, I got out my old shoes and gear and ran the three miles I usually walk.  It started raining when I was about a mile yet from home.  But what else could I do but keep running?  By the time I got home, I was completely drenched...but I felt good.  Really good.  Granted, I might not feel so good in the morning when my muscles are sore and I have to get up and teach Sunday School.

We went to Applebees for dinner.  They have delicious steak, and although I love the garlic mashed potatoes, I was good and just had two sides of veggies.  Bonus points for willpower.
  

Here is what dinner looked like.

After dinner, Friend decided that we needed a delicious treat.  So, we found this recipe and made low-carb peanut butter cookies.  

Day Thirteen 148lbs

Thus, beautifully rounding out the three C's of the evening.  Cookies, coffee, and Columbo. 


Since Friend is home, I got a pic for today.  Friend had my laughing about something, thus the cheesy grin.  It was a good day.