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Thursday, May 3, 2012

Rating Scale

I'll admit, not looking at the scale has been really hard for me.  The scale and I have been one-sided enemies in a dependent, almost psychologically damaging relationship for years.  I hate it.  Yet, I need it.  It tells me if I am good or if I am bad.  It wields unwitting power over me and determines my mood in the morning.  What kind of day will it be?  Like a fortune teller laying out the cards, I hold my breath as the numbers roll.  I feel like a gambler, luck be a lady, betting it all on a hot pair of dice.  And if I don't have the scale to tell me, I have to spend the whole day blindly determining whether or not I'm on the right path or the wrong path.

If that sounds intense, it's because it is for me.  And I'm thinking I'm not the only woman who has faced that scale since Jr. High and let it determine who I was, what I was worth, how I should be treated and how I should treat myself.  I wish I could say that it's no longer a chain about my ankles.  But I fear, just as Scrooge's Marley, I will be doomed to carry it around my entire adult life, always aware of it, never leaving it behind.   I remind myself that my value is in my character, my talents, my accomplishments, not my dress size.  It sounds noble, but this single girl, this chubby mac, has never been able to believe those noble words.


I attended a tele-seminar about being a positive person yesterday.  It's such a good message, such a God message.  I want to be more positive.  And I believe that part of that means not allowing the scale, and my negative self-image to define me.  I believe it, but I'm not sure how to practice it.  


Anyone else struggling with this?  How do you measure your worth?  What are steps you're taking to be a positive person?

4 comments:

  1. This blog post hit too close to home for comfort. There is much I could say, but it's mostly just yacking about me, and I'm tired of that at present. But I WILL say a few things..

    This topic ties into identity, and person hood, and comparing oneself to others, and being at peace with oneself, and feeling at home in one's skin. And all of these topics I'm barely scratching the surface on figuring out.

    I think half the battle is just realizing we have these issues and hang ups, and to just be okay with ourselves for being so messed up. The more we dwell on the fact that we have these problems, or try to fix our mindsets, I think it just feeds them in the end. I guess the answer is to hope we get distracted from these negative feelings quickly, after we think them. In other words, unless God works a supernatural miracle in me, I doubt some of my hangups will ever change, although being at one's ideal weight through a healthy diet and moderate exercise, and healthy relationships, and even natural pregnancies and childbirth can help a woman with her body image, I think.

    Also, I think that healthy diet (what works for us, and our body) and moderate exercise (Although personally, moderation is not part of my vocab, although I'm learning..)is crucial. Someone who is unhealthily overweight probably shouldn't come to a place of "I am perfect just the way God made me." Yes, on the inside they are, but God created them to be at their own healthy best, physically. That said, I know how hard it can be to lose weight, especially when one has health limitations, and health problems making it that much more harder for them to lose weight, or to feel like exercising. I think finding the correct diet for one's body is half the battle. For example, I used to be addicted to carbs; primarily wheat products. Once I started eating bread, I could not stop until I was stuffed. That spikes insulin levels, which causes weight gain in the end. So when I went off gluten for other health reasons, unrelated to weight gain, I realized that at least I wasn't gaining like crazy. Now I just got to go easy on the gluten-free carbs that I have access to(rice flour pancakes, potatoes, corn, white rice, etc.) although I don't eat those every day; mostly on "cheat" meals.

    Mercola.com has a lot of info on how there is no one-size-fits-all diet. I highly recommend his stuff: search: "diet" on his site, and there is a lot of wonderful information. There is a test you can take on there to see how you specifically should be eating.

    This was supposed to be short and brief. Oops.

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  2. Well, as far as being a positive person, That comes pretty naturally to me, as I am an optimist most of the time. As far as the scale, If I don't think I am doing too well, weight wise, I don't go weigh myself,instead, I determine to do better, and go weight myself when I am feeling that I have lost some weight. Otherwise, its too discouraging, and I don't like to be discouraged. I definitely feel better about myself when I am doing some sort of exercise regularly, and trying my best to eat healthily. If I am not doing those things, I know I am not at my optimal, and feeling good about oneself outwardly needs to be rooted in truth.

    -Hannah

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  3. Hannah, I love you. Everything is so simple and uncomplicated and easy for you. Must be nice. ;-)

    ~Your complicated sister

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